


Coming out the other side

by Plucky_Brit



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 3x10, Angst, Badass, Canon Divergent, Drama, Family, FitzSimmons - Freeform, Hurt, Team, Torture, Trauma, potential trigger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-09 15:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5545352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plucky_Brit/pseuds/Plucky_Brit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simmons is tortured by Ward in order to make Fitz comply and enter the portal. What are the consequences and will the team get to them in time?</p><p>Sort of along the lines of Maveth, but I think they didn't do Simmons enough justice so this is my version of what happened and the general aftermath of everything that happened :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Ward?” She whispered, her eyes unfocused as he walked into the room, sluggishly taking in the broad figure in front of her. Her head was spinning as he knelt down before her and she did her best to stare him down, pushing the pain radiating through her to the back of her mind, filling herself with hatred of the friend who had betrayed them. He leered down at her but she refused to be cowed.

“You aren’t going to get anything out of me.” She spat into his face, smiling when he flinched slightly. 

“Jemma” he crooned sickeningly. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I really didn’t. You could stop this all now you know, and poor Fitz wouldn’t have to listen to your screams.”

She couldn’t help but shudder as his words burned into her. She wouldn’t let him break her. She was too determined for that, but to put Fitz through that broke her heart. Inside she was tearing apart, her mind spinning in a hundred directions, none offering a solution, and the pain she had pushed away slowly forcing its way back into the most sensitive parts of her brain. She wouldn’t let it show though. Her last act available to her was to keep up her cool façade. She knew how much that would annoy Ward.

Even as he picked up the sharpened knife, tracing it gently across her stomach, teasing her sickeningly with a look of joy upon his face, she stayed silent and defiant. The first few licks of the knife she kept her head. She filled her mind with images of Fitz, filling herself with his comforting voice and pushing away the pain blooming in her ribcage as he cut with haunting gentleness. The sharp blade cut through her shirt like paper and the red bloom spilled out alarmingly fast beneath her ribcage, soaking through the white material and staining the flesh beneath too. Through it all she kept silent, gritting her teeth and refusing to even whimper. She did it all for Fitz. She wouldn’t hurt him with her screams.

When he brought out the bottle from beneath the counter however, she faltered. 

Ward saw the slight shudder, and smiled. “Ah, you recognise this lovely elixir do you? A Hydra specialty. It has mixed results, and by that I mean not everyone can survive its effects, but I have a feeling it will be perfect for what I have in mind.” 

He caressed the bottle as he spoke, easing the stopper out and relishing the fear she could no longer hide from her eyes as he lowered the pipette into the bottle. The liquid he suctioned into the transparent tube was thick and grey, like rotting flesh. Tantalisingly, he leant over her. 

“For most effective results, insert directly into the blood stream.” He placed his hand onto her stomach, waiting for her to respond as he touched the deep wounds he had just carved into her. 

She just stared at him, pulsing with hatred, determined to hold out. She knew what that liquid did. She would wait as long as possible to give him the satisfaction he craved, to acknowledge the pain that was making her head spin. 

“There’s still time to stop me Jemma. You don’t have to do this.” He said.

She gritted her teeth and maintained her deadpan stare.

He sighed. “Well. I have always wanted to see its effects first hand.” He let the viscous toxin drip onto her exposed abdomen. 

The effect was instantaneous.

Jemma’s whole body buckled as the poison flowed into her, surging around her body with each pump of her heart, reaching every corner of her being. It triggered every nerve ending, every pain receptor, and it felt as if she was exploding. She was burning alive, her entire being an inferno. There was nothing left except pain. Fitz was burned from her mind, Ward and his questions, even the reason she was there, the reason she was fighting, all disappeared. She could not have spoken had she wanted to. The only sound that slipped from her lips was a primordial, inhuman scream that went on and on.

Ward looked down at her. She was almost unrecognisable, that beautiful face contorted into a demonic mask, her skin shockingly white. She was writhing with the ferociousness of the possessed, her bound hands cutting into the pillar behind her and adding to the streaks of red across the floor as her body spasmed uncontrollably. It was quite extraordinary to watch, he noted, impressed by how quickly and how entirely the drug worked its way around her system. He would have to keep some on hand for the future. Her scream was barbaric, even to his ears, and he had heard many a scream under duress. Fitz must truly be tearing apart to listen to it. It was time to go back to him. 

He walked from the room, letting the guards return to their position within the doors. He noted with some displeasure the horrified face of the younger guard as the screams continued to echo down the corridor. He needed tough men, not those who blanched at a sound. Well, the screams wouldn’t last for much longer anyway. What he had read on the toxin suggested that the body folded soon after application, but whether cardiac arrest or simple blackout varied from subject to subject. He was reluctant to loose the young scientist, but sometimes these things couldn't be helped. Whatever the outcome, Fitz would be begging to spill his darkest secrets in response to this. 

.................................

 

Fitz was screaming too, screaming and begging and pleading to the stone cold faces of the men watching him. Her screams were tearing his soul to pieces as he strained against the ties holding him.

“Please, PLEASE.” He moaned, “get Ward, make him stop. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything, JUST MAKE IT STOP.” He knew she would beg him not to. He knew she would rather die than help Hydra, but he knew that he would do anything to keep her alive, even if it meant she hated him for what he did. He could live with that. He couldn’t live without her.

Finally, after an impossible amount of time, time only measurable by the ragged screams that continued to reverberate second after agonising second through the compound, Ward came back.

“I heard you were willing to comply Fitzy.” Ward smiled. 

“Please Ward. I’ll do anything, just make it…” even as he spoke the room fell silent, the last scream’s echo slipping from the chamber. Fitz shuddered in relief. 

“Oh God. Thank you. Thank you.” He whispered, slumping forwards against his restraints. 

“She must have passed out.” Ward told him. “At least, you better hope that’s what happened.” He chuckled. “Well, what was it you were just saying? Oh yes, you’re going to help.” He pulled out a knife and cut the bonds tying Fitz down. “Good.”

Fitz slowly rubbed his wrists, feeling his fingers cramp as blood began to flow again. “I need to see her first.” 

“All in good time.” Ward pulled the Scot to his feet, pushing him ahead and letting the two guards by the door flank him. “I’ll let you say goodbye before we go through the portal.” 

Fitz let himself be taken into the castle, back to the chamber where this had all started. This was where the best day of his life had started, with her clutched in his arms and him promising to never let go. When had he let go? He had betrayed her. He looked around anxiously at the men gathered, most of whom were dressed in full combat gear with guns strapped to their sides and goggles strapped to their heads. 

There was a commotion from the other side of the room, where there was another entrance to the chamber, and several of the men including Fitz and Ward turned just in time to see the telekinetic deposit a lifeless figure on the ground.

“NO.” Fitz half shouted, half wheezed as he pushed past the two men guarding him and flung himself to his knees behind her, unaware of Ward stopping the guards from grabbing him again. 

She was totally lifeless, and for the worst five seconds of his life he believed her to be dead. Then, almost unnoticeably, her chest rose several centimetres as she took a shallow breath. 

“Oh Jem.” Fitz whispered, hands shaking as he carefully stroked her hair, smoothing the flyaway strands. She was covered in blood, her once white shirt almost entirely saturated. Her wrists were raw and still oozing, and he could see the two long slices that Ward had carved into her abdomen through her shirt. Tears spilled, unstoppable, from his eyes as he ever so gently took one of her small hands and felt the light, fluttering pulse that flickered just below the skin. 

“You’re going to be okay Jemma. I’ll come back for you.” He murmured, lowering his head so it was just above her ear. “Keep fighting.” He held back a shuddering sob as a tear dripped from his own chin onto her cheek, watching it clean a small path through the blood that had run from her scalp. He lowered his lips to her forehead, leaving the ghost of a kiss, just as the two henchmen finally reached for him and dragged him back to his place in front of Ward. 

Ward shoved a pair of goggles at him. It was time to go. He looked at the shimmering liquid, watching it ripple and flex. 

He stepped forwards and let himself go. 

For her.


	2. Chapter 2

An hour later and pandemonium reigned in the jet up in the sky. What was left of the team had come together; united in the shock of Coulson’s jump into the portal, grey with worry over the uncertain fate of FitzSimmons. 

Daisy and Mack were arguing, torn over the best cause of action whilst Hunter watched. May and Bobbi were flying the jet, both silent, faces set in steely determination. Lincoln sat quietly, still not part of the team but still sharing their worry.

“Mack, what other choice do we have? We need to take the castle. If FitzSimmons are anywhere then that’s where they will be, as long as Ward didn’t send them through the portal.” Daisy shouted at the older man.

“How exactly do you suggest we take it?” Mack argued. “It’s swarming with Hydra. There are six of us. I don’t fancy those odds.”

“Well what do you suggest then, that we just cut our losses? Scarper back to base with our tail between our legs?” Hunter cut in, anger in his voice as he came to stand behind Daisy. 

“I don’t mean that Hunter. Don’t go changing my words. I mean we need more of a plan. There’s no point in a suicide mission.” Mack retorted angrily.

May’s voice cut through the debate. “We’re ten minutes from the site. What’s the plan going to be?” She spoke clearly. “Personally, I agree with Daisy. We either go on the offensive and take them by surprise or we get shot out of the sky trying to come up with a better plan.” 

Mack’s face said it all as he realised he had been overpowered. “Fine. Kit up then everyone.”

....................................................

Storming the castle took no time at all, much to everyone’s surprise. It was shockingly easy. It seemed that most of Hydra’s henchmen had gone through the portal with Ward and Coulson. 

Lincoln took out most of the power, plunging Hydra into darkness and panic, and the rest of the team methodically made their way through the base, eradicating the rest of the enemy. Soon they had cleared the whole base except the chamber. The six team members reunited outside, all a little dishevelled. Hunter wiped a trickle of blood from Bobbi’s forehead and raised his eyebrows in concern. She shot a look of annoyance at him.

“I’m fine Lance. Back off.” 

Hunter was about to reply, most likely with some snarky sarcasm, but May cut him off. “No one’s seen FitzSimmons, but it makes sense they’d be here. They were taken because they understood the portal, and the mechanism is in this room.”

“Yea but the telekinetic is probably in there too.” Sky added. “Don’t underestimate him.”

Lincoln nodded in agreement.

“Right. Everyone ready?” May looked around at her team, pride clear in her eyes as she saw the fierce determination radiating from each and every one of them. 

“Lets go.” Mack gave the order.

They burst through the last door, Daisy blasting it right off its hinges, and surged into the room. It was surprisingly full. At least eight men were lying in wait. The team flew into action, methodically and skilfully sending the men to the ground unconscious or dead and not particularly caring which. 

May heard a cry of distress when they were down to the last four, including the telekinetic, and glanced over her shoulder to see Daisy kneeling in front of a body. May faltered as she suddenly recognised the cotton shirt, red instead of its original white. A glancing blow to the head snapped her back to the fight however, and she lashed out at the tall Hydra agent who had struck her, her foot connecting with his larynx and sending him crashing to the ground clutching at his throat and gasping for air. 

Then, trusting the rest of team to handle the rest she ran to Daisy, knocking her slightly to the side as she too took in the haunting sight of Simmons. For a horrific moment she didn’t know what to do. Her usually clear mind filled with a fog of horror and panic that came with the knowledge of someone she cared for looking so lifeless. Daisy was putting pressure on her abdomen, blood welling up around her hands. May looked at her, seeing her own distress echoed in the eyes of the inhuman.

“We have to get her out of here now.” Daisy shouted at her over the noise of Lincoln blasting the telekinetic with a bolt of electricity and taking out the last of Hydra.

Bobbi joined them now, pushing Daisy out of the way in her haste to help. Daisy stumbled back and Lincoln caught her. She flinched at the sudden contact and then suddenly buried her head in his chest, sobs wracking through her body. He held her tightly as he took in Simmon’s condition. 

Hunter knelt at her head, staring at Bobbi. “What do we do Bobs?”

Bobbi ignored him, gently feeling for Simmons’ pulse. She let out a breath she didn’t realise she had been holding when she felt the faint flicker. It was weak but it was steady. The blood loss was clearly the most life threatening issue she could see so far; it was everywhere, pooled under her, soaked into her clothing and matted into her hair. 

“I need to stop the bleeding. Anything you can find, gauze, sheets, anything. May, keep putting pressure on her stomach.” As Bobbi spoke she lurched to her feet, stumbling back though the compound to a room she had cleared where she remembered seeing medical supplies. She was shaking as she ran, her heart pounding. 

Her mind was filled with Jemma’s image. That poor girl: She was so, so young. Bobbi had never really noticed how young she was. She composed herself so strongly, filled the room when she walked into it. So confident, knowledge so beyond her years that people never questioned it, Fitz always beside her, always supporting her. Now though, so vulnerable and hurt, Bobbi could finally see her tender age. She should never have been dragged into this. 

She tore apart the medical room, filling her arms with everything and anything that she might need. She pulled open a large chest freezer and let out a sob of relief that had been building up inside her as she saw it was stocked with blood. 

Maybe, just maybe, she could now save Jemma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope to get the next chapter up tomorrow :)  
> xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who is reading :) I hope you enjoy the next instalment.

Jemma’s world was spinning and crashing. Her mind was filled with blackness and hurt and fear. Nothing made sense, all she knew was that she was trapped in hell, a hell of darkness and isolation. Pain flared around her, and with each wave of agony white spots flashed in the darkness. 

She was aware suddenly of calloused fingers holding hers, and of quiet voices muttering around her. More than anything though, she was aware of the burning sensation in her stomach, of the pain that seemed to ripple out with each shaky breath she took. The voices seemed familiar, comforting. She listened for a while longer, the blackness still hovering across her mind until suddenly the hand was whipped away. She subconsciously reached for it again and this time someone else took it, someone with softer fingers. She felt those same fingers flutter gently over her head, gently stroking her hair. 

Who was it again? 

It was so familiar, so comforting. 

Someone who she knew, who cared about her, but who? 

The name was just there, floating in her brain, she just couldn’t quite… then, quite suddenly, another far more important word flashed into her mind.

 

“Fitz.” 

 

May’s heart bled as Jemma croaked out the syllable, her eyes opening slightly, unfocused and squinting at the light, looking for a face that wasn’t there.

“Jemma. It’s okay.” Bobbi said gently. “It’s me, Bobbi.” 

“Fitz… he was…” Jemma whimpered. “It hurts.”

“I know it does. We’ll fix that I promise.” Bobbi spoke softy, her hands squeezing Jemma’s. She looked up at Hunter. “I need to go and get the painkillers Lance, take over?” 

Hunter slowly slipped his own hands over Jemma’s now trembling ones, whispering softly to her. 

May’s chest was hurting at the care and compassion the crude Englishman was now showing. Bobbi grabbed her arm. “May, she needs to be kept calm. I don’t think we should tell her about Fitz yet.” May nodded in agreement and Bobbi quickly left the room. 

May knelt again beside the young agent. She was gritting her teeth, clearly fighting back the pain, and every few seconds an unwilling whimper would slip past. 

“It’s okay Simmons, you can let it out.” May spoke soothingly. She carefully smoothed Jemma’s hair, and the gentle touch seemed to calm her slightly. 

“May? Is…” Jemma gritted her teeth mid sentence, fighting another wave of pain. “...is everyone alright?” 

May hesitated and Hunter looked at her, waiting for her answer. “Yes Jemma. Everyone’s alright.” May said softly, holding her breath as the scientist seemed to take it in.

“Fitz… I need Fitz.” As Jemma spoke a tear slipped from her eye and rolled down her cheeks. She was shaking more now, not just her hands, but her whole body trembled slightly. “Did he go…” she took a shuddering breath. “…through the portal?”

May froze, torn. At that moment however, Bobbi came bursting back in with Daisy and Lincoln on her heels and Jemma flinched at the sound, another more agonising moan slipping from her lips. Bobbi knelt back at her side with the morphine injection ready.

“Jemma, I’m going to give you something for the pain alright?” she gently told the girl.

“No… wait.” Muttered Jemma. 

“It’s okay, it’s not going to put you out again, it’s just to take the edge off.” She said as she slipped the needle into the muscle of Jemma’s arm.

Just seconds later Jemma let out a breath of relief. “Thank you Agent Morse.” She said, closing her eyes as the pain radiating from her abdomen mellowed into a manageable ache.

Bobbi squeezed her hand comfortingly. “Just let me know if anything changes okay?” she told the young agent sternly. 

Jemma kept her eyes closed for several moments, savouring the calmness that the medication had given her, the fading pain clearing her mind. Then she swallowed, steeling herself to ask the question that she dreaded to know the answer to. 

“Fitz went through the portal didn’t he?” she spoke with her eyes still closed. She felt the tension increase in the room, but no one said anything.

Bobbi looked at May anxiously, and May sighed. They both knew there was no hiding the truth. 

Jemma opened her eyes and looked at May. “It’s okay. I know he did. It’s… it’s why they left me alone.” She took a deep breath, and tried to pull herself up against the wall but her arms gave out and she fell back, wincing as the impact sent spasms of pain through her. 

Both Mack and Lincoln lurched forwards to catch her before she could do more damage to herself, and Mack gently helped her into upright, settling her gently against the stone wall of the chamber so that she could see everyone and everything, including the portal. 

“Careful Simmons.” Mack growled, his face etched with concern.

“Sorry.” She muttered. “I just wanted to see…” She glanced at the portal and then back at her team. “You know… for when he comes back through.” 

“About that.” Daisy interrupted. “Coulson went through too.” 

Jemma paled even more. “Oh.” She whispered.

May moved away from the group, examining the tangle of equipment that surrounded them. “We need to work out how to use this. Simmons, do you think you could help?” she asked hesitantly, reluctant to stress the injured scientist.

Jemma nodded slowly. “It’s quite simple really. It all depends on the right vibrations. I think…” she hesitated and looked at Mack. “If I could get a better look…?” 

Mack looked at Bobbi, seeking her opinion, and Bobbi nodded, although she frowned as she gave permission for the big man to help Jemma stand. The scientist was still in a bad way. The morphine was simply covering it up and Bobbi didn’t want to be responsible for further damage.

Mack carefully placed his oversized hands under Jemma’s shoulders, showing remarkable care as he eased her up. Hunter stepped forwards too, placing his hands on her waist and supporting her when she let out a moan between gritted teeth. 

“Jemma, you don’t have to do this.” Bobbi intervened.

Jemma shot her a determined look. “I’m okay Bobbi. I need to do this.” She took several shaky steps, relying on Mack’s strong hold and ignoring the stabs of pain that shot through her with each movement, until she was standing beside May in front of the controls. She carefully took everything in, examining the controls and connections that ran around the room, making sense of it in her mind before she spoke.

“I can activate the portal now if you want, but Hydra have it set to open at a specific time, in just over twelve minutes.” She looked up at her team. “They took Fitz because…” her voice cracked, betraying her torment. “…because he could use the technology we developed to calculate the location of the portal opening on the other side at a specific time.” She broke off suddenly as an unexpected painful wave shuddered through her and she became aware of the black spots dancing on the edge of her eyes.

She must have blacked out for a few seconds because the next this she knew Mack was lowering her to the ground and Bobbi was leaning over her, checking her pulse carefully. 

“Sorry.” She muttered. “I think I overdid it.”

Daisy snorted. “That’s an understatement.” She said, concern lacing her voice.

Mack stood up once Jemma was resting comfortably and turned to May. “I vote we leave the portal to open on the timer. Who knows what will happen if we intervene now.” 

Jemma nodded in agreement. “From what I can tell, Fitz will have the time that the portal is going to reopen, and he can use that to calculate the location they need to be. If we open it there’s no telling where they would be or where it would open.” She shuddered before continuing, her face clouding over. “… and no one else should go there without good reason and a complete knowledge of what they are walking into.”

Daisy gave a comforting smile to her friend. They all knew what she wasn’t saying. Whilst no one really knew what Jemma had gone through on that planet, they had seen how their friend had changed. It wasn’t fair that she kept on being forced to relive it. 

“Twelve minutes to prepare then.” Mack said. “God knows who is coming back through." 

"Or what.” added Hunter darkly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the ending is a bit abrupt, i'm not that happy with it!


	4. Chapter 4

Twelve minutes passed quickly. Far too quickly for the team who stood around the portal, guns aimed and ready to handle whatever came through, each one sending silent prayers that their friends would make it back. 

Jemma’s face was taught with stress. May was standing in front of her, the agent’s small stature protecting the scientist and blocking her vision of the portal, but it didn’t take a scientist to realise Daisy’s wince and Hunter’s audible gasp meant that the rocks had finally melted into a shimmering liquid and the portal was open.

The team stayed silent as they watched the liquid flex, guns raised, waiting for something, anything to happen. The seconds passed like years. Nobody moved except for Daisy, who stumbled back slightly, leaning into Lincoln for support as the vibrating chamber sent her head spinning and aching. Dust and shards began to crumble from the ceiling, coating the team in a layer of grey. The whole chamber began to shake, larger chunks of stone now crashing around them, sending equipment flying. Mack glanced at the ceiling anxiously.

“We’re running out of time.” He shouted over the noise of the crumbling castle. He looked at Simmons who was still slumped behind May, her eyes unfocused and hands shaking, coated in a fine layer of dust. May’s eyes found his and he saw agreement in her eyes. They couldn’t wait any longer.

“I want everyone out of here.” He barked to the team. He was met with instant protest. 

“Like hell are we leaving now!” Hunter snapped.

May gave Hunter a dirty look. “Look at Simmons and Daisy, Hunter. They need to get to the jet. No point in all of us getting buried in a collapsing castle. Mack and me will stay till the portal closes.” She turned her gaze to Bobbi as she spoke, willing the Mockingbird to agree and to convince Hunter. 

Bobbi hesitated for a moment, looking around at her teammates. Lincoln was half carrying Daisy already. It was fair to say neither would be useful if it came to a fight with him holding her up. There was Jemma to consider too. The scientist was looking awfully weak, her unfocused eyes half closed, hardly even aware that the portal had activated and the room was tumbling down around them. She turned to Hunter.

“Lincoln, get Daisy to the bus now.” She told the young man, and he immediately obeyed, guiding Daisy towards the exit. “Help me with Simmons.” Bobbi told her ex, daring him to defy her as she knelt down beside the scientist.

Hunter frowned, looking from Mack to Bobbi, his mind spinning with decisions. He saw the look in Bobbi’s face, and then looked at his friend, his fellow Brit. She was slumped semiconscious, her previous bout of energy totally dissipated. They could be waiting by the portal for people that may never return. Jemma was there now, and needing his help. His mind made up, he brushed Bobbi to the side gently, and gently scooped Jemma into his arms, cradling her head against his chest and protecting her from the falling debris. 

Bobbi followed him out of the chamber, nodding at May as she left, leaving the two senior agents to handle whatever came through, willing them to bring Fitz, Will and Coulson back with them. 

……………….

The five had made their way through the castle without much trouble and were back on the jet, hovering above the slowly collapsing castle. Daisy had recovered more with each step she took away from the vibrating chamber, and had begun to protest, arguing angrily with Lincoln as the plane took off, demanding they go back to May and Mack. It was only when Jemma whispered Daisy’s name softly, still curled in Hunter’s arms, that she gave up her fight and turned instead to examine the plane's monitors.

Hunter laid Jemma carefully onto the sofa, letting Bobbi take over beside the young scientist. He stood and joined Daisy and Lincoln, the three of them watching the screens closely for a sign that the evac. pod had been activated and the rest of their team would be on their way to join them. 

Jemma was fully conscious again now, and Bobbi could see all too clearly the distress in her eyes. She had hardly spoken, and her breathing seemed laboured, but whether from panic and fear, or a more sinister medical reason, Bobbi could not tell. She squeezed the young agent’s hand comfortingly and Jemma responded, returning the squeeze with a vice like grip, as though Bobbi was an anchor to keep Jemma grounded. Bobbi knew that she was not the comfort that Jemma was desperately seeking. She didn’t know if Jemma would ever have that comfort again. 

Suddenly, Daisy gasped. The evac. pod sensors had flashed to life, the biometric readings showing that there were indeed signs of life within the small chamber. Someone had activated the controls to send the pod back to its chamber in the plane, but there was no way to know just how many were coming back up. 

The team watched with breaths held and hearts pounding as the white capsule clicked into place. The hydraulics hissed as the mechanics secured the pod, and finally the door slid open. 

Mack was the first to leave to pod, his huge torso taking up the whole frame and blocking the rest of the cubicle from sight.. When May emerged, Bobbi saw the small smile on the woman’s usually emotionless face and Bobbi’s face lit up as she saw her friends, realising that small smile meant that things were maybe going to be okay. 

Daisy ran forwards as Coulson stepped out next, throwing his arms around his neck. Coulson hugged her back tightly, the sand that coated him brushing off onto the ground. 

Fitz was the last to emerge. He looked shattered, his small frame hunched, blood still dripping from a cut on his forehead. His eyes darted around the plane frantically, searching desperately for something. When he found it he stumbled forwards, Hunter put a hand out to steady the Scot, but Fitz brushed him away instinctively, his mind totally focused on reaching her. 

Bobbi stepped out of the way as Fitz reached Jemma, and the two scientists were finally reunited. Fitz hesitated before taking her hand gently. He remember how lifeless she had looked as he had stepped into the portal, her face and hands slick with blood. Now her eyes were open, although slightly unfocused. She was looking at him with an unrecognisable expression on her face and he faltered, unable to meet her gaze. Instead he knelt beside her, taking in her bruised skin and bandaged abdomen, whispering her name over and over beneath his breath so that no one but her could hear him. 

Jemma clung to Fitz, her hands reaching for his desperately. His presence had provided her, finally, with some sense of calm. His touch was like a soothing balm to her mind, pulling her confused thoughts back into some resemblance of order. Now that he was here she wasn’t so scared any more. 

“Fitz.” Jemma whispered, and Fitz finally looked at her. She saw tears in his eyes and she shook her head softly at him. “Oh Fitz. Look at you.” She murmured, bringing her hand up to his curls and running it through them.

Fitz let out a shaky laugh, taking her hand and clutching it to his chest. “Don’t start fussin’ over me Jem.” His voice broke as he spoke. He could hear the pain in her voice, the haggard breaths that she forced out. It hurt him so much knowing that she was in pain. He looked up at Bobbi anxiously, seeing his own concern etched in her face. She tilted her head to the side, indicating that she wanted to tell him something. He nodded at her. 

“Jemma, I’m just going to talk to Bobbi for a second okay.” Fitz said softy, stroking her hair as he stood up. She clung to him and he looked at Bobbi helplessly, seeing panic in Jemma’s eyes. 

Bobbi gestured to Daisy, who immediately took up Fitz’s place, and reluctantly Jemma let his hand go, although her eyes never left his face as he crossed the room the talk to Bobbi. 

“She’s hurting Bobbi.” He said quietly.

Bobbi saw his distress as she nodded in agreement. “I gave her something for the pain earlier, but it’s starting to ease off.” She hesitated before continuing. “She’s going into shock Fitz. Her body’s gone through so much.” Fitz winced at that. “I want give her something to put her to sleep.” She broke off, waiting for Fitz’s approval.

Fitz nodded slowly, looking at Jemma’s ghostly complexion. “Whatever you think best.” 

He turned away from Bobbi as she carefully prepared a syringe and resumed his place back beside Jemma. She seemed to be getting increasingly distressed, her wheezing breaths coming faster and faster. He held her tightly, letting her clutch as him with a fevered desperation, her nails cutting into him. He couldn’t care less. 

He pressed his lips to her forehead, planting a gentle kiss just as Bobbi gently plunged the syringe into her thigh. Almost instantly her grip slackened on his, and he felt her entire body relax as the sedative pumped through her system. As her eyes closed Fitz dropped back onto his heels, burying his hands in his face.

His time on that planet had been hell. Jemma had been right about that place. He could hardly even begin to think about how she had managed to survive there for so long. Every second he spent there he had had Jemma’s bleeding body etched into his eyelids, her screams ringing in his ears, convinced that whilst he trekked with Ward she was slowly dying. And then he had come back through the portal into that chamber and she hadn’t been there; just a smear of blood across the floor to convince him that she must be dead. He hadn’t believed May when she said Jemma was alive as he was dragged onto the evac. pod, had tried to run back to the collapsing chamber to find her body. When her eyes found his as he stepped into the plane he could hardly breath. Now she was drugged, unconscious again, and his heart was pounding harder than ever with the pain of it all. And the joy. 

She was hurt, she was bleeding, she was broken. But she was alive.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma's mind whilst she is unconscious, and Fitz's guilt.

Jemma was floating. That was what it felt like. She was warm; her whole body felt like it was cocooned in soft wool. She was drifting contently through her mind, wandering through her imagination. 

Will was there with her for a while, his strong physique supporting her, his cheeky smile reminding her of the good times she had spent with him. She felt herself grow stronger as the two of them laughed whilst they spoke, reminiscing on the world they missed fondly, rather than with the distress of a life stolen from them. When she drifted away from that train of thought she felt a stab of melancholy, an ache for the ‘what could have been’. 

Fitz appeared in due time. They would work side by side in their old lab, the one they had constructed together in the bus. They were FitzSimmons again, fitting together seamlessly, finishing each other’s sentences and moving around their lab in perfect sync to each other. Her heart felt lighter when Fitz was with her. The painful things that had happened between them hadn’t happened in this place. It was a sanctuary and she was content to work with him by her side forever, content just to listen to his steady breaths.

She panicked a little when her mind lost its grasp on that image, her cotton cocoon slipping slightly and a nagging ache that she had subconsciously pushed away from her began to grow from somewhere deep inside. It was okay though, because she found herself with the whole team suddenly, back when they had just come together and everything was bright and exciting. They were in the bus, its atmosphere comforting and safe, back before it had been turned into a vessel that carted them off to war. She smiled when she was with them, relishing the feeling of innocence and optimism that she had thought lost to her forever. Daisy was there, back when she was still Skye. The three of them, Daisy, Fitz and Jemma, were playing a game. Nobody looked worried about anything. May flew steadily, Coulson led them calmly; they were a seamless unit, a family together.

Jemma lived in that image for a long time, lived through her younger mind from before her world had begun to crumble. Slowly though, a terrible angst began to filter through, an emotion that had no right to be in her safe bubble. The hurt that was seeping somewhere within her was spreading quicker too. It nagged at her mind, pushing on the thick walls she had built to block something out. The pieces of the game weren’t making sense anymore. Skye’s happy face would crumple for fleeting seconds into an expression of horror at something that wasn’t there. Fitz would stumble over a sentence, words escaping him. And someone was missing from the picture. Someone important… someone who had saved her, jumped out of a plane for her. No, wait. That wasn’t right. She had fallen, yes. She had tumbled from the plane and he had been there, not reaching for her, not risking his life for hers like the first time, but reaching for the controls. He had watched, had been responsible for their plunge, had pushed them from the plane himself. He had been their friend. 

She wasn’t floating anymore, she was falling, being dragged forwards, no longer settling on any one image but flashing through them, each moment tearing her heart. 

Fitz in a hospital bed, lifeless and changed and all her fault.

Donnie Gill dying in front of her. 

Her best friend refusing to even look at her, his words cutting her fragile heart. 

Trip’s shattered remains.

Fitz leaving for war before her confession could be spoken.

Bobbi’s bloodied body and Hunter’s broken expression. 

Blue, so much blue and a planet with two moons and no sun and so much fear. 

A figure in a sandstorm that forced Will away from her. 

A home that had changed without her, leaving her a stranger.

An old friend slicing her open and leaving her twisting in agony.

All of it, all of the pain and fear and sadness that had ripped away her optimism and her innocence came roaring into her mind, her cocoon melting away and leaving her flayed and raw and unable to do anything but relive each and every horror. Pain exploded through her, ripped her from her own body, stabbed and twisted her soul until she was convinced she was dead and in hell, condemned to punishment for all the damage she had caused. 

She wasn’t sure how long she endured for, but finally she began to fade away, everything slipping from her mind as she sunk into blackness, away from the pain. 

……………………..

Fitz had hardly left her side since the jet the landed back at the Playground. If he’d had his way he would have been there the whole time, but Bobbi had Mack physically restrain him from her when she was taken for surgery. He understood why. That didn’t mean he didn’t hate every second of it. He had sat in the corridor outside the medical unit, Daisy by his side, the two hanging onto every word that Bobbi said when she updated them. Daisy was pressed close to his side, her head resting on his shoulder. He could feel the tension in his own body mirrored in hers. Neither of them spoke for a while.

About an hour had passed before Daisy lifted her head from Fitz’s shoulder, rearranging herself into a more comfortable position. Fitz shifted to look at her.

“This is all on me.” He muttered, finally saying the words that had been echoing around and around his head. Daisy didn’t move and he continued. “I… I listened to her for so long. I could have stopped it at any time…” his voice cracked as he spoke. “Ward kept us apart. He knew he could break me through her.” A tear slid down his face. “I let them hurt her for so long. If I’d… just stopped it earlier… then maybe we wouldn’t have to be here now.” 

Daisy saw the guilt in his eyes. “There’s no point in looking at the ‘what ifs’ Fitz. What’s happened has happened, and the only thing I can tell you for sure is that it’s not your fault.” She grabbed his hand tightly as she spoke. “And I also know that Jemma will not blame you even one tiny bit. The only person responsible for this is Ward. You know that.” She said firmly. 

They were interrupted by Bobbi before Fitz could reply. They both jumped to their feet, faces pale. 

Bobbi looked exhausted, but she was smiling. “She’s out of the woods, medically speaking. You can go see her if you want.” 

Daisy had squealed and threw her arms around Bobbi. Fitz pushed past both the women and slowly walked into the medical unit, his heart pounding. He turned a corner and there she was.

She way lying in a hospital bed, a thin blanket covering her. He slumped into a chair beside her, gently taking one of her hands from under the blanket and holding it tightly. 

There he stayed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going away for a week, so I'm afraid there will be no more updates till I'm back!
> 
> Hope you are all still enjoying. x


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma's trying to convince everyone, including herself, that she is okay, but with Fitz refusing to even look at her, how long can she keep it up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to get this published, i have been on holiday and without laptop for most of the week! This is quite a long chapter as well, but I couldn't figure out where to break it so I decided to publish it as one.

Three weeks had passed since everything had happened. Since Coulson had killed Ward, and Fitz had shot the thing that had reanimated Will, since Jemma had been tortured, and Andrew had escaped his containment unit. 

The base was still reeling from the shock of it all. Nobody knew quite how to act. 

May had left almost immediately, determined to hunt down Andrew. 

Coulson spent a lot of time alone, throwing himself into his work in an effort to forget the things that had happened on another world. 

Lincoln and Daisy had spent a lot of time together. So had Bobbi and Hunter. It seemed like the one small good outcome of everything. 

Jemma and Fitz, however, had had hardly any contact since Jemma had woken from surgery. 

Fitz, who had had to be physically dragged away from her whilst she was unconscious, had now virtually moved into the garage along side Mack in an effort to avoid her. He knew that Mack disapproved of his actions, but, Fitz thought angrily, who was Mack to judge him. He didn’t know the reasons behind his actions and Fitz wasn’t in the mood to talk about them with anyone, and nor did he want to. Daisy had confronted him once, a week after they returned to the Playground. He had been standing in the kitchen, waiting for the kettle to boil when she stormed in, cornering him so he couldn’t sidle out of the room. She had accused him of abandoning Jemma when she needed him so badly, without even offering any explanation. He stood silently throughout her tirade, letting her finish before leaving the room without speaking. He heard her huffs of frustration as he walked back to the garage. It didn’t matter. 

Jemma knew the reason for his actions. He didn’t have to explain himself to anyone else. 

………………………

When Jemma had woken from surgery Fitz had been there for her. He had sat silently and sleeplessly beside her for six hours before she awoke. Before she even opened her eyes she knew he was there. He had been holding her hand tightly, the solid pressure a constant comfort. 

It all changed when she opened her eyes. Instantly he had whipped his hand away, his brown eyes staring intently into her own. He looked so lost and hurt. 

She tried to talk to him but couldn’t find the words. Before she could decide what to say he began to speak, a waterfall of words bursting from his lips and cascading onto her ears like a roaring torrent. He was apologising and she was trying to interrupt, to correct him. He wouldn’t let her.

On and on he went, about how he’d killed Will and he knew she would hate him and how he’d leave her to grieve. Her head was pounding and tears were streaming uninvited down her cheeks, and she was so confused about it all and everything was aching and there was nothing she could do about the small whimper that spilled from her lips. 

Instantly he froze, his face a mask of horror. “Oh God Jems. I’m so sorry.” He muttered one last time, standing up and sending the chair he had been sitting on clattering to the ground. His face was unreadable as he pressed the ghost of a kiss to her forehead and left. She had hardly seen him since. 

In the first few days after everything she had spent most of the time asleep. Whenever she woke one of the team would be there. Bobbi and Daisy were the most frequent visitors. Hunter often joined Bobbi too. May appeared only once, her face unsmiling and tired, although her eyes lightened when she saw Jemma looking at her. 

“I’m going to find Andrew.” She had told Jemma. Then she had paused, clearly choosing her next words carefully. “Give Fitz time, Jemma. He’s hurting too.” She offered the advice gently, her voice full of love and concern. Then she had left and no one had seen her since.

Jemma had left the medical bay after four days, the second Bobbi deemed her strong enough to walk across the base. She had still felt weak, rushed movements sending small painful bursts through her, but she was handling it. 

She hadn’t spoken much. She found she couldn’t really think of much that was worth saying. She certainly hadn’t talked about what Ward had done to her. She was moving on, Jemma told herself. She was content to let the others talk, a little envious of the carefree way Daisy babbled. 

She had taken herself back to the lab without meaning to. Her feet seemed to take her there without her brain instructing them to. She felt comfortable there. It was familiar. It stopped her thinking about Fitz. She wanted to talk to him, but he didn’t want to see her. She had tried to talk to him once, when she walked in on him picking up some of his tools from their lab. He had looked so angry when she began to talk that she had lost the words she had been planning to say. Words seemed so much harder to make sense of now. It was partly why she had thrown herself back into her science. Science never hurt her. She didn't need to explain herself to science. 

Sleep was becoming a bit of a mystery to Jemma. Several nights she had slept gleefully, blissfully, waking after twelve hours feeling refreshed and proud. Most nights were a different story however. Restless and filled with torment, she had taken to going to bed later and later, spending more and more hours in the lab, working herself into exhaustion. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. 

And so time passed in the base, a whirl of days that merged into each other.

Daisy had been watching Jemma closely. May had spoken to her before she left, quiet motherly concern clear in the older woman. Jemma’s slowly extending hours in the lab did not go unnoticed. Daisy tried to intervene, dragging her friend to meals or bringing them into the lab when she refused to leave. Still, the young scientist was loosing weight and the shadows under her eyes were merging with the hollows in her cheeks, her entire face sunken.

...........................

Yet again Jemma was in the lab at midnight, Daisy realised with a jolt as she was about to make her own way to bed. She sighed to herself before entering the room, clearing her throat to alert Jemma. The scientist started at the sound, her back stiffening, but she didn’t turn around.

“Jemma…” Daisy began, unsure what to say. “Jemma, how are you still working? You shouldn’t be pushing yourself this hard so soon, it’s not healthy.” She stopped suddenly as she realised that Jemma’s shoulders were shaking. 

“Oh god Jemma, I didn’t mean to upset you…” she crossed the room and gently took her friend’s hand. Jemma flinched almost unnoticeably at the unexpected contact. Daisy felt a twinge of guilt for a minute; Jemma hadn’t handled physical contact very well since whatever Ward had done to her. Then Jemma took her by surprise, spinning around and burying her head in her shoulder, her small frame shuddering with silent sobs. Daisy hesitated for a fraction of a second before returning the hug, stroking Jemma’s hair softly. 

“It’s okay, Jemma. Let it out. You’ll be alright… we all will.” Daisy whispered into her friend’s hair. 

Slowly Jemma’s grip loosened around her, her shuddering sobs lessening. 

“Hey, Jemma, lets go get some tea, okay?” Daisy watched her friend closely as she spoke, making sure she was listening. Jemma nodded slowly, and Daisy took her gently by the arm, leading her to the kitchen.

Neither of them spoke as the kettle boiled, Jemma sitting silently and listlessly on the sofa as Daisy bustled around her. In fact, she looked so lifeless and pale, her face totally expressionless, tear tracks still visible, that Daisy was tempted to go wake Lincoln and have him check her over. When Daisy placed the warm mug in her hand however, she began to gain life. Her eyes finally rose to meet Daisy, watery and hurting.

“Are you in pain, Jemma?” Daisy asked, remembering the horrendous injuries her friend had suffered. 

Jemma was startled by the question. “No.” she whispered. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling, to be honest, but her physical hurts were nowhere near the forefront of her mind. 

Jemma took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s all too much, Daisy.” Daisy looked at her, waiting for her to continue. “I don’t know how to keep doing this. I thought I was handling it, you know. I have a routine. But… without Fitz, it’s too much. I don’t know how to fall asleep any more, and when I do I don’t want to be asleep because my dreams are too horrible. I hoped that if I pretended that things were normal then they would be normal again. Fitz and I… we’ve done this before. We coped. I just assumed we could do this.” She broke off, wiping a rogue tear away.

“Do what?” Daisy asked.

Jemma glanced at her hands, twisting them together before replying. “Be apart.” She said in a quiet whisper that Daisy only just heard. 

Daisy wrapped an arm around her friend. “What happened between you two? Things were good before Fitz went through the portal, you were almost like before…” she hesitated. “…and after your surgery he wouldn’t leave your side, he was a mess. And then you woke up and he hasn’t spent more than five minutes with you.”

Jemma nodded slowly. “I know.” She sniffed. “It’s complicated. What with Will…”

Daisy squeezed her shoulder comfortingly. “It’s messed up, I know. But honestly, I think he’s an idiot right now. I confronted him about it” she smiled as Jemma raised her eyebrows at her. “It’s true! In the kitchen. But he wouldn’t say anything. Just walked out. I was so mad at him.” 

“It’s not his fault, Daisy.” Jemma said weakly. “Like I said, it’s complicated.” 

Daisy waited expectantly, but Jemma seemed to have closed off again. “Jemma! Come on, I’m your friend and you have to talk to someone. It doesn’t even matter what you talk about, but you used to never shut up and now it’s a battle to prise a single sentence out of you. I want to know how to help you, but you won’t let anyone in!”

Tears were falling from Jemma’s eyes again. “I’m sorry.” She whispered, with a voice so filled with guilt that Daisy’s heart broke. “I keep hurting everyone, Fitz the most. I left him when he needed me, I told him I loved Will, I let him go through the portal. I keep on doing wrong by him and he’s so undeserving of all of it.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t want to loose Fitz, Daisy. But I can’t keep hurting him… maybe this is best in the long run.” He voice cracked as she finished talking, unwelcome sobs punctuating the silence.

Daisy could hear the torment in her friend’s voice. “I don’t believe that for a minute, Jemma.” She said firmly. 

She squeezed her friend tightly, trying to offer comfort, but recoiled instantly when she heard a gasp of pain from Jemma. “Oh God, Simmons, I’m so sorry, are you okay? Can I get anything for you?” she cringed at her brash action, having forgotten for a moment that Jemma was very much still recovering.

“It’s fine.” Murmured Jemma. “It’s not a problem most of the time. It’s just my ribs are still a little sensitive.” Then she froze.

She started to shake, slowly coming to the realisation that it was the first time she had acknowledged out loud what had happened to her, that she had even been hurt at all. Her breathing quickened as she tried to claw back the words she had let slip, willing them to be unsaid and for the calm façade she had been building to resurrect. One look at the sympathy in Daisy’s eyes told her that this would not happen.

She shut her eyes tightly, desperately trying to hold back the tears that kept on spilling out. She gritted her teeth as her chest heaved, pain building in her sensitive ribs as she breathed deeper and deeper, trying to regain control. It was too late though, and too much for her head. 

That simple sentence had sent her carefully constructed world spiralling out of control, and in that one admission everything that she had been pushing from her mind came flooding back. She wasn’t ready to do this now, she told herself, clutching at her arms desperately, digging her nails in, in an effort to regain normality. Suddenly she felt another pair of hands on her own and something snapped in her mind.

…………..

Daisy had seen the sudden change in her friend. She had no idea what had happened. One minute Jemma was talking quietly, upset but in control, the next she was shaking and sobbing, clawing at her arms. Daisy was frozen for a few seconds, before she reacted instinctively, grabbing at Jemma’s hands to stop her hurting herself. It was the wrong thing to do.

Jemma’s eyes flew open but they didn’t seem to be looking at Daisy. They were wide and filled with panic. Daisy swore as Jemma jerked away from her as if electrocuted, the mug that had been in her hand slipping through her fingers and smashing loudly on the floor. Jemma let out an agonised whimper at the sound, recoiling from where she had been sitting and pressing herself against the wall, crouching down, her arms wrapped around her chest as she stared at something that wasn’t there.

Daisy leapt up too, her heart pounding with shock at the sudden and vehement reaction her friend was having.

“Jemma!” she half shouted. “Jemma, it’s okay, calm down.” She was frozen where she stood, terrified to alarm Jemma further. Somewhere down the hall she heard a door slam and she whirled around to find Hunter turning the corner.

“Hunter, help me!” she called out, grabbing his attention and sending him running towards her. The other Englishman rounded the corner and froze when he saw Jemma.

“Shit! Daisy, what the hell happened?” He asked, turning to Daisy in shock.

Daisy shook her head desperately. “I don’t know, something just triggered her, I didn’t mean to…” She was looking wildly at Hunter, who interrupted her.

“Okay, okay, umm… I’m going to get Bobbi. She can help, she’s good at this stuff.” As he spoke he ran from the room.

………………………..

Jemma was trapped in a world of horror. She was back in the chamber, helpless. She couldn’t breathe, her heart was pounding, blood roaring in her ears. Pain was rolling through her, her vision blurring. The figure before her was getting closer and closer and in desperation she scrabbled around on the floor, her hands closing on a shard of something sharp. She grabbed it, raising it threateningly and the looming figure seemed to hesitate. She leapt to her feet, charging the threatening figure and pushing past, clutching her weapon tightly, ignoring the screaming pain in her chest. She ran desperately, putting as much space between her and him as she could, blindly following her feet. 

………………..

Daisy gasped as Jemma charged at her, brandishing a shard of the shattered mug. She threw herself out of her way, letting Jemma escape. The scientist’s face was an expression of pure fear, pale and shaking. Daisy hesitated as she saw Jemma charge from the room, clearly running from something no one else could see. It had all happened so fast that her mind was struggling to catch up with the events. 

Then she shook herself, snapping back to reality, and took off after her friend to make sure she didn’t hurt herself (or anyone else she might run into.) 

……………….

Hunter burst into Bobbi’s room, the door slamming into the wall and sending several photographs smashing to the ground.

Bobbi leapt out of her bed as she dove for her batons, convinced that they were under attack. Then she saw Hunter standing in the door and her adrenaline turned to anger.

“Jesus, Hunter. What the hell were you thinking?” she confronted him.

Hunter was breathless, his chest heaving from the run and the shock, and he ignored her harsh tone. “It’s Simmons, something’s wrong with her.” He shouted back, watching Bobbi’s face turned from pissed off to concerned. 

Bobbi’s mind instantly began to run through all the options, the unexpected side effects of the poison or something that the surgery had missed, but then Hunter interrupted her train of thought. 

“Come on Bobbi, she’s in the kitchen. Daisy’s with her.” Hunter said, dragging her out behind him.

“What’s wrong with her, Hunter?” Bobbi asked as they half ran back the way Hunter had come from. 

“I dunno, but she was seriously freaking out about something.” 

Neither of them noticed Fitz’s door crack open and his face appear, fear clearly etched onto it, indicating that he had heard enough of the conversation to know who they were talking about. 

………………………..

Daisy couldn’t find Jemma anywhere. She was freaking out herself. She had no idea that Jemma could move so fast; she was so small and had been moving so gingerly the last few weeks, but when Daisy had dashed around the corner following the scientist there was no sight of her.

Bobbi and Hunter appeared a minute later. Daisy was winding herself up into a frenzy, and the words spilled from her lips as she tried to explain what happened. 

“I don’t know where she’s gone Bobbi, I tried to follow her but she just took off, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I said but something happened and I don’t know…” she broke off as Bobbi interrupted. 

“Calm down, Daisy, help us. Where do you think she would go?” Bobbi said.

Daisy shook her head. “I… I don’t know. The lab is the only place I can think of… but she wasn’t herself… I don’t think she even knew where she was. I’m not sure she was going anywhere specific, just somewhere that was away from whatever she was seeing.”

“Okay, let’s spilt up then, cover the base. It’s big, but not that big. Hunter; check out the residential block, Daisy; you take the labs okay? I’ll check out the vaults.” Bobbi took over, sending the other two running to begin the search before making her own way.

Hunter swore as he almost ran into Fitz, who had been hiding in the next room listening to their conversation. Fitz’s mind was spinning with confusion and concern. 

“I’ll come with you, Hunter.” He told his friend. Hunter looked at him oddly as he fell into step beside him. “What?” said Fitz.

“Well, bit of a change of heart isn’t it? I mean you haven’t wanted anything to do with Jemma, which probably has a lot to do with why she’s such a mess right now… not that I’m accusing you of anything” Hunter added hastily, “I don’t want to intervene and I don’t have a clue what’s going on right now in the FitzSimmons chronicles, but are you the best person to be helping?” Hunter looked sad as he finished. Fitz was his friend, but so was Jemma, and he had watched how Jemma had struggled her way through each day without the help of her best friend. Whatever had happened between them was hurting her at a time when she needed all the support she could get. The problem was that Jemma seemed unwilling to let anyone give her that support. He was sure she would take it from Fitz though, if only he would offer it. 

Fitz could hear the accusation in his friend’s voice, and unwelcome guilt began to well in his chest. He didn’t meet Hunter’s eyes as he spoke. “I think I might go check the storage units… you know, cover more area and all that.” He muttered, turning away from Hunter and making his way to the nearest staircase. 

…………………….

Twenty minutes had passed and no one had found her. Coulson had been roused from his office when Daisy stuck her head in, and Hunter had woken Mack from his bed, and so the team had grown by two although it hadn’t helped much apparently. 

Fitz was down in the storage units, a vast underground warehouse filled with everything from food and toiletries to weapons and chemicals. It was the Koenigg’s territory mostly. The only space he was really familiar with was the section where their tools and extra lab equipment were neatly stacked. 

He was carefully scouring this area when he heard a scrape on the floor, something metal grating against the cold concrete. He spun around, guessing the sound had come from around twenty metres away. It was hard to see across the large room, what with the equipment that was stacked floor to ceiling, turning the room into a sort of maze. 

Carefully he moved along the narrow passages until he reached the area he thought he had heard to noise.

“Jemma?” he said softly. 

There was no response.

He moved slowly, silently, trying to listen for any other clues. He froze suddenly as he saw a small dark drop on the floor. It looked disturbingly like blood.

“Jemma?” he said again, louder this time. “Jem, please, it’s me, Fitz. Let me help you.” He half begged.

He stopped to listen again, and this time something caught his ears over the hum of the base. He shifted, stepping lightly along the ground as the noise became louder, more recognisable. It was the sound of someone struggling to take a breath.

With that sudden realisation he burst forwards, following the sound, until he almost fell over her.

She was nestled amongst several stacks of ration packs, her back flush against the wall. Her knees were pressed tightly to her chest. He could see her whole body shuddering with the effort of sucking air in. More worryingly was the bright flash of red that seemed to be running down her arm.

“Jemma.” He murmured quietly, trying not to alarm her. She didn’t move at all. He wasn’t even sure she could hear him. 

He crouched down beside her, seeing that her eyes were tightly shut. He whispered her name again gently.

“Jemma. It’s alright. It’s me, Fitz. You’re okay here, you’re safe. We’re in the Playground. No one is going to hurt you, I promise.” He whispered to her over and over again, sliding closer slowly, doing his best to calm her down. 

Eventually he reached out tentatively, carefully laying one hand over her own. He felt her flinch visibly, her whole body stiffening. Her eyes flew open.

He looked at her carefully. Her eyes found his, and he saw with some relief that there was recognition in them. 

“Fitz.” She croaked out the word, squeezing it from her lips as she continued to gasp for air. 

He felt something snap in him as he heard the pain in her voice. He took her shaking body into his arms, running his hands through her hair and whispering softly, calmingly. 

Ever so slowly did her breathing begin to ease, and her body began to loosen. She didn’t say anything else, simply buried her head into his chest where he felt her tears soak into his shirt. 

When he judged her breathing to be almost back to normal he began to extricate himself from their cramped position, and instantly he felt her stiffen again. 

“I’m not going anywhere Jem.” He reassured her. “I just want to see your hand if that’s okay?”

She nodded slowly, and he carefully took her hand in his. It was still tightly clenched around the shard. 

“Jemma, you need to let go.” He told her, and her eyes filled with distress. 

“I can’t Fitz. What if… what if I need it?” 

He hated that sentence, the fear in her voice. “I’ll look after you. I promise you’ll never need it okay?” 

She let the shard slip from her fingers and he winced as he saw the deep gouge the broken edge had carved into her palm. 

“This is going to need stitches Jemma.” He told her. 

“Oh.” 

“Come on Jem. Let’s get you up to Bobbi okay? Everyone’s still looking for you, lets go upstairs.” He spoke slowly and gently, trying to coax her up.

…………………

Jemma let him take her by her arms and guide her into standing. She felt strangely numb and sluggish, like everything was happening in slow motion around her. She was vaguely aware of Fitz talking to her, but she was having difficulty remembering the words he was saying. All she knew was that when Fitz had appeared, she had finally begun to feel somewhat safe for the first time. The shadows that constantly lingered in her peripheral vision had taken a small step back.

…………………….

Fitz watched Jemma with concern. She looked unnaturally pale and unsteady on her feet. She was leaning heavily against him, her eyes unfocused. Fitz held her tightly, taking care of her injured hand. He guided her forwards, attempting to lead her out of the maze of the storage room. 

Almost immediately, however, her legs buckled beneath her. Fitz caught her as she slumped onto him. Thinking quickly, he slid one arm under her legs and lifted her up into his arms, cringing at how little she weighed. 

Her head rested in the crook of his neck. “Fitz.” She whispered again, her breath warm against his skin. 

“I’ve got you, Jemma.” He replied softly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His heart was tearing as he carried her out of the storeroom. He had hardly looked at Jemma in the previous three weeks, had hardly glanced at her at all. Now that she was lying in his arms he was filled with shame. He hadn’t realised how much someone could change over three weeks. All the progress she had made since she had returned from the portal had reversed. Her face was hollow and pale and he was horrified at how he could feel her bones through her skin. He had pushed her away, refused to see her, convinced himself he was doing the best thing for her despite everyone telling him otherwise. He hated that he had been wrong. He hated that he was responsible for this. 

Well, he told himself as Jemma’s eyes drifted closed, a peaceful expression finally filling her face, he wasn’t going to let her hurt anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for reading, and all comments and kudos are very much appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobbi has a conversation with Fitz about his behaviour.

Bobbi smiled when she saw Fitz emerging with Simmons in his arms. Despite the emotion of the situation, it was a sight that she was honestly beginning to think she would never again see; the two scientists back together. He looked upset but determined.

“Is she alright Fitz?” She asked, concerned, noticing the smear of blood on Jemma’s hands.

“She’s going to need a few stitches I think, but apart from that… I think she’s fallen asleep, so I was just going to put her in her bed and deal with everything when she wakes.” He said quietly, unwilling to disturb Jemma.

“From what Daisy told me it sounds like she had some sort of panic episode. She must have crashed from all the adrenaline that was in her system.” Bobbi said seriously. “You’re right, it’s probably best to let her sleep, god knows she’s had precious little rest in the last few weeks.” 

She saw Fitz squirm uncomfortably as she said that. _Good, he deserves some guilt,_ she thought, as she spoke. “Take her to the medical bay though. I want to monitor her, just to make sure everything is okay. Sometimes an event like this can be a sign of something bigger.”

Fitz nodded in agreement. “Okay, but I’m going to stay with her.” He said firmly.

Bobbi was surprised at the determination in his voice, challenging her to say otherwise. “Come on then.” She told him, leading him down the corridor to the medical unit.

 

 ..................................

 

She watched as Fitz lay Jemma down ever so gently, his hands tenderly smoothing back her hair. He pulled off her shoes and then pulled up the sheet, tucking it under Jemma’s chin. Jemma remained totally asleep, dead to the world. When he was done making sure she was comfortable he pulled out a chair, ready to sit down and watch over her. Bobbi stopped him before he did.

“Come and have a drink, Fitz.” she said.

He looked at her confused. “I think I’m just going to stay here tonight.” He said quietly, his eyes not leaving Jemma. He didn’t see the look Bobbi gave him, but he heard the tension in her reply.

“It wasn’t a question. We’ll be just outside: you’ll be able to see her still, but we need to talk and I’m not about to disturb her from a long overdue sleep.” She said angrily. She had suddenly decided, there and then, that Fitz needed to start talking, anger that she hadn’t even been aware of was rising in her stomach as she saw him sitting where he should have been all these weeks.“Because I sure as hell am not going to let you sit here all night by her side if you are just going to disappear again the second she wakes up. She deserves better than that.” She said in an angry whisper, trying not to raise her voice so that Jemma wouldn’t be disturbed.

Fitz, his own face looking rather pale after her outburst, nodded rather meekly.

 She gave him a grim smile. “Come on, Hunter’s got some whisky stashed that we can try out.”

 

………………………

 

Fitz was rather terrified to begin talking. He was sat in one of the small armchairs, staring resolutely at the glass doors to the medical unit through which he could just make out Jemma’s sleeping face. He nursed the tumbler of whisky in his hands as Bobbi poured herself one, dreading the conversation they were about to have.

Finally Bobbi sat down beside him, her own eyes watching Jemma as well. They sat in silent for a few minutes, watching their friend together.

Bobbi was the one who broke the silence, and it was as bad as he had expected. As bad as he deserved.

“Fitz. You’re one of my best friends and nothing you do could change that. But what the hell has been going on with you these last few weeks?” Bobbi broke off, clearly expecting him to offer an explanation, but he was still trying to figure out the words in his head and Bobbi, even more pissed at him, carried on. “I don’t know what happened between you two when she woke up, and Jemma has refused to talk about it. To be honest she’s hardly talked about anything. Some days I can count the words she says on one hand. It’s like that Jemma…” She gestured to the sleeping form in the med pod. “… Is a ghost of the Jemma Simmons who was here seven months ago. An idiot could see how much she is suffering. She can’t even shower alone, Fitz! She doesn’t sleep, she has to be reminded to eat. She is broken in a hundred different ways, and you’re the only person who can fix her, and you’ve abandoned her.” She said, her tone hard and accusing.

Fitz could see pain as well as anger in Bobbi’s eyes. Even as she had spoken he knew how true her words were. He knew how selfish he had been.

“It’s complicated.” He began, not sure where to start. “I’m angry at myself too. I think I justified it to myself, you know. But I swear I didn’t see what it was doing to her. I haven’t really seen her at all. If I’d known…” He stopped, hating himself as he spoke.

 Bobbi squeezed one of his hands in her own, giving him the strength to continue. “On that planet, what happened with Will... She told me she loved him, and I had to tell her that I shot him. I killed the man that she loved.” He breathed deeply he finally spoke aloud the words that had been haunting him. His hands began to shake as he continued. “When I told her… the morning she woke up… she couldn’t look at me, she couldn’t breathe and she was in so much pain and I was responsible for all of it. How could she bear to have me around?”

Bobbi sighed loudly. “God, honestly, you Brits. Why can’t you just talk to each other properly. Did you ever give her a chance to tell her what she thought?”

Fitz shook his head.

“See! You just assumed you would know how she felt and that abandoning her was best for her. Why couldn’t you just let her decide what was best for her! I mean, you asked her if she loved Will, but you never asked if she loved you. And I would put money on it that she does. Of course she loves Will, that guy saved her life! He offered her comfort when she was so alone that most people would have just given up. It’s natural that she loved him, but why couldn’t she love you too?” Bobbi paused to let her words sink in. Fitz wasn’t looking at her, but at his own hands. "I mean, she clearly does, that was obvious from the second I met her. I wish I had someone to look at me the way she looks at you.” She said gently, and finally Fitz looked up at her. 

His voice cracked as he replied. “How could she love me?”

Bobbi heard the conviction in his voice, sighing at his stubbornness. “Jesus, you two really need to have a conversation. Anyway, Fitz. I’ve said my piece, and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.” She said more gently.

Then she looked sternly at him again. “I would love nothing more that to let you stay here, but there is no way that that is going to happen if you are just going to run away again. So, tell me. Do I need to throw you out?”

Fitz was feeling a hundred things at once, emotions pulling him to pieces. He looked at Bobbi carefully before speaking, taking in her brow furrowed with concern, at the pain that was shimmering in her own eyes. Guilt flared as he realised that he had been selfish with everyone, not just Jemma. They all cared about her too, cared about her and struggled to help her, where as he hadn’t even tried.

“I’ll stay if she wants me to.” He said quietly. “If she wakes up and wants me gone, I won’t force it.”

“Fine. But she’ll want you.” Bobbi said. She stood up slowly and yawned. “Well, I’m going to go to bed now. I’ll be monitoring her, so if anything happens I’ll know about it okay?” She said as Fitz gave her a worried glance. “Night, Fitz.”

“Night, Bobbi.”

 

…………………………………

 

Jemma woke slowly, a foggy haze clouding her mind. She was comfortable and warm, and she didn’t especially want to be awake, so for a while she let her mind drift. It was only when she realised that she wasn’t alone that she pulled herself from her sleep, forcing her eyes open.

She squinted against the room’s artificial lights, her vision still blurry from sleep, and blinked a few times. Finally she raised her head slightly, looking at the man who was beside her.

Her heart leapt painfully.

She was so used to not seeing him that she had forgotten what his presence felt like. She hadn’t even realised how much she missed it, how she craved it. She felt safer than she had in forever; the constant weight she had felt on her chest had eased, the panic that was always bubbling just beneath the surface seemed to have lessened. 

He looked peaceful too. Not necessarily comfortable; his head was resting awkwardly on the back of the chair, his arm twisted so that he could stay holding onto her hand, but his face was calm, a ghost of a smile on his soft cheeks. She felt something that could almost have been happiness as she watched him sleep.

Then, suddenly, his eyelids flew open as her hand twitched beneath his. His beautiful eyes met hers, and to her confusion she could see only fear. Her heart began to beat a little faster. If Fitz was scared then maybe she should be too.

“Fitz?” She said questioningly, her voice scratchy from lack of water.

Fitz whipped his hand off hers and she felt the loss of his touch acutely, the rejection making her heart physically ache. He stood up and began to walk away. _No_ , she thought dejectedly, her mind spiralling back to yesterday’s hazy events. _I’ve ruined everything._

“Please don’t leave.” She whispered.

 

……………………………..

 

Fitz had frozen when he realised she was awake. He looked at her, saw such confusion on her face. He wasn’t even sure if she would remember what had happened. When she had spoken, his name spilling from her lips, that single syllable asking a hundred questions, he had been unable to reply.

Instead he heard the huskiness in her tone, the dryness of her mouth. Without thinking he moved away, crossing the room to pour a glass of water for her. It was the least he could do.

Then he heard her speak again. _Please don’t leave_ , she had said, every word laiden with misery. He froze where we was standing, suddenly realising that the water was beside the door and that they were in the exact position they had been in three weeks ago, when he had walked out and left her sobbing and in pain, and to her it must look like he was going to do it all over again.

He spun around immediately. “God, Jemma, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… I’m not leaving. I was just going to get you water.” He spluttered, gesturing at the jug and beaker on the table beside the door.

He saw how she immediately relaxed, the tension that her fear had caused dissipating as she slumped back into the bed. He gave her a comforting smile and then quickly poured the water before taking up his seat beside her again.

“Here you go.” He said as he handed her the water.

She took several greedy gulps before replying. “Thank you.”

They stayed in silence until she finished the water. Then he felt her gaze on him again. He couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes.

She spoke first. “Why am I in medical?” She said quietly.

“You cut your hand, it needs stiches, but Bobbi didn’t want to wake you. She thought it was best if you spent the night here, where she could monitor you.”

Jemma looked confused. “But Bobbi isn’t here.”

Fitz chuckled. “Well… no, but she can monitor from her room. And…” he hesitated. “And I volunteered.”

“Why?” she whispered.

Fitz gulped. He had hoped for a little more time before this conversation. “Because I wanted to make sure you were okay. I… I realise I’ve been a bit of a dick these last few weeks. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I think I did. Jem. Oh god, Jem, I’ve been a total moron, and there’s no way I can make it up to you, but… I just want you to know that if you want me around then I’m here. And if you want me gone then I will hand in my resignation right now and get out of your life.” His voice cracked on the last sentence and he held his breath as he waited for her to ask him to leave.

He looked up as he heard her give a small sob, and saw that her eyes had filled with tears.

“Why would I want you gone, Fitz?” Her voice was heavy with sadness. “This is the first time in I don’t know how long that I haven’t woken up in total terror, this is the first time that I’ve felt remotely safe. I don’t think I could handle it if you…” She broke off, unable to speak the words, tears streaming silently from her eyes at the very thought.

Fitz felt his whole world brighten. He wrapped his arms tightly around her frail frame, pressing his lips to her forehead.

“Jemma, I swear, I will never hurt you again. I’m so sorry. God, I’m so, so sorry.” He murmured, feeling her bony arms clutch at him. He felt the desperation in her touch, felt his own desperation. Feeling her in his arms again was like breathing oxygen. With her he was alive.

..........................

 

Bobbi found them like that ten minutes later, when she breezed through the door. She smiled at the image, her heart suddenly much fuller. They looked natural together; peaceful and whole, arms around each other, Jemma’s head buried in his shirt, Fitz’s in her hair. She backed out of the room slowly. Stiches could wait; a whole other type of healing was already in progress.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

Later that day, after Bobbi had stitched Jemma’s hand and she had left the med pod with Fitz firmly by Jemma’s side, following her dutifully as she insisted they head to the lab and get started on work (much to Fitz’s chagrin), Bobbi found herself standing beside Daisy, watching the duo as they worked.

They looked as though they could have been dancers. Fitz moved about Simmons fluidly, handing her tools before she asked, Simmons smiling as he spoke, without looking up for her work. Bobbi could hardly believe the change in character from the dejected, hollow Simmons who she’d known. Despite the dark circles that still marked her too pale face, and the way her bones stood out painfully against her skin, she looked radiant. 

Bobbi looked at Daisy, who was smiling. “Do you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Simmons look this content.” She said.

Daisy’s smile widened. “I have.” Her eyes saddened a little as she looked back at Bobbi. “You never knew them when they were FitzSimmons. Back on the bus, before everything happened… this is the first time they’ve reminded me of the carefree people they used to be.” Daisy said with a whistful expression.

“They deserve this.”

“God yes. Of everyone I know, they were the least deserving of what they went through. It’s about time they got some happiness back in their lives.”

Jemma’s soft laugh reached them through the glass. 

……………………………….

That night, the whole base felt content. Without anyone actually talking about it, everyone seemed to want to eat together that night. The whole team settled around the large table that has seen hardly any use. Jemma remained close beside Fitz, physically touching him whenever possible. Bobbi didn’t miss the supressed panic in Jemma’s eyes whenever Fitz left the room, seeing how she had to restrain herself from following him. She sighed. Things might be better, but there were a long way from perfect yet. 

The evening passed with a joviality that the team had long been missing, with everyone settling down in the main common room once the food was gone, nobody wanting to leave.

…………………………..

Fitz was totally content. He could hardly believe how much the atmosphere in the base had changed. It was, he thought, exactly the right atmosphere that Jemma needed to help her heal. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that he wasn’t a miracle cure for whatever was going on in her head. She may have had a better day today than she had had in the last month, but it was by no means perfect. 

He was well aware of how she had reacted each time he left her alone, tensing up and not relaxing until she was pressed tightly against him once more. He couldn’t care less about her need to be close to him; in fact he felt exactly the same, but he was also aware that it wasn’t exactly healthy. She needed to feel just as safe around the rest of the team, too. 

Equally, despite the renewed closeness between the two, Jemma still hardly spoke, only using words when it was strictly necessary, but it was better than her total silence. With time, he was sure, she would return to her chatty former self. 

He watched her without her knowing, his eyes constantly drawn to wherever she was in the room, smiling as he saw Daisy nattering away to her. She still looked terrible, skinny and pasty, but there was something new about her, something that gave him cause to hope. 

He was so caught up in watching her that he didn’t realise that Coulson had started to talk to him.

“Sorry, sir, could you repeat that?” he said apologetically.

“I was saying that I want you to have a conversation with Bobbi and Daisy about Simmons.” Said Coulson.

“Oh. I already spoke to Bobbi last night…” He began, but Coulson cut him off.

“Yea, Bobbi mentioned her telling off when I spoke to her this morning. But that’s not what I meant. I know she’s looking better today than she has in a long time, Fitz, but Bobbi still has a lot of concerns, and I do too. She’s still a long way from healthy.” He said sternly.

Fitz nodded. “I know… I’ve been meaning to talk to Daisy all day, but I don’t want to leave Jemma for longer than necessary.” He said.  
“I understand, Fitz. But we’re all here to help, to make it easier for her. Talk to the others, they’ve done a lot for her these last weeks, they know what helps.” 

“I know, sir, I will.” Fitz replied awkwardly. He looked around, suddenly aware that someone was standing behind him, and to his surprise saw Daisy. He looked sharply up to where Jemma had been sitting, worried she was alone, but Hunter had taken over the role of entertaining her. 

Daisy moved into the spot Coulson had vacated. “Did Coulson just tell you to talk to me?” 

Fitz nodded.

“I thought I heard my name. I’ve been trying to get you alone.” She said. “I wanted to ask you about sleeping arrangements.”

Fitz blushed furiously. “I… I guess I was going to let her decide.” He said awkwardly. “Um… what’s she been doing before?” 

Daisy gave him a sympathetic smile, but he could see the worry on her face. “It depends to be honest. Most nights she goes to sleep alone… Bobbi and I have both tried to keep her company, but I think she’s hates to think she’s being a burden, you know, typical selfless Simmons.” She said, trying to crack a joke, but Fitz’s taut face stayed serious. “She um… she’s been having nightmares, I think. I’ve woken her a couple of times, stayed with her after. Actually, Hunter’s been pretty good at keeping an eye on her at night. His room is next to hers. He hasn’t said much but I’ve found him in her room on quite a few mornings. I think he struggles with nightmares too. It makes him feel better to try and help her I guess.” 

“Thanks, Daisy.” Fitz said softly. “Um. I guess… I guess I’ll try and stay with her, if she want me.” Daisy squeezed his shoulder encouragingly. “You know, she used to struggle when we were on the bus, too?”

“What do you mean?” Asked Daisy, curiously.

“After the virus she had a bit of an issue with heights, and the whole living on a plane thing got a bit complicated… I used to have to drag her to bed from the lab otherwise she’d just work through the night. It kept her mind off the fact that we were twenty thousand feet in the air. I’d stay with her till she actually fell asleep”

“How come I never knew about this?”

“She was a bit embarrassed I think. It was actually May who helped the most, though.” He smiled at the memory. “About two weeks after it happened she intercepted Jemma at three in the morning, when she was still in the lab. She made her sit in the cockpit, gave her control of the plane. It seemed to give Jem more control over the whole situation.” 

“May has a knack for that kind of thing, doesn’t she?” Daisy said slowly. “I think everyone would benefit from her coming back.” 

Fitz nodded. 

…………………

By 10pm the room had almost emptied, and just Fitz, Jemma and Daisy remained, clearing up the mess of glasses and food plates left over from the impromptu gathering. 

Daisy yawned loudly, giving Fitz an obvious nudge. “Well guys, I think I’m going to call it a night. See you tomorrow.” She said as she left the room.

“Um.” Said Fitz awkwardly. “I guess we ought to be calling a night too.” 

“Oh, well, I think I might head back to the lab for a bit, finished off a few pieces, you know.” Jemma said cautiously, her stomach clenching slightly at the thought of another night lying alone in her small room, the walls closing in on her and the people she’d rather forget haunting her dreams. 

“Sorry, Jem. I promised Bobbi I wouldn’t let you do any more work today, doctors orders.” Fitz lied, unwilling to let her fob him off to work through the night. “If you aren’t tired maybe we could go watch a film or something?” He said hesitantly.

Jemma thought quickly. She didn’t want to inconvenience Fitz, he was clearly tired, and she was reluctant to put any pressure on their recently repaired friendship. “It’s okay, Fitz, I don’t want to keep you up.” She mumbled, not looking at him. She let out a small gasp of surprise as he grabbed her hand, and she glanced up at him, surprised to see him smiling.

“Come on Simmons, it will be fun, like at the academy.” He said.

She gave a small smile. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Of course I’m sure, your room or mine?”

………………..

Twenty minutes later and the pair of them were squeezed onto Jemma’s small bed, both in their pyjamas. Fitz couldn’t help but noticed that Jemma’s pyjama top was an old t-shirt of his that he assumed lost. 

She curled into his side comfortably, her head resting on his shoulder as he keyed up the movie, and he gently brushed his lips to her forehead as he pressed play, squeezing her hand softly. 

He wasn’t surprised when twenty minutes later he heard her breathing slow, glancing down to see her fast asleep, her face calm and relaxed. He smiled, then moved the laptop out of the way, the room darkening as he closed the screen. 

He wasn’t exactly comfortable where he was, with his back pressed against the headboard and his arm trapped under Jemma, but he wasn’t about to move and wake her. Instead he closed his own eyes, content to be uncomfortable as long as Jemma was happy. 

Neither of them woke when a narrow shaft of light crossed the room as the door opened a crack, but Bobbi smiled widely to see them curled together.

………………….

Fitz was woken abruptly by something clutching his arm. He jerked awake, instinctively pulling away from the tight grip, but freezing when his actions resulted in a terrified whimper.

“Jemma?” he mumbled, his mind still foggy with sleep. He glanced at the illuminated clock. It was just gone 4 in the morning. 

Again a squeak of terror slid from Jemma’s lips and quickly he clicked on one of the soft bedside lights. She was still asleep; he could see that now. Her entire body was tense, trembling with energy. He could see her eyelids move as her eyes flickered beneath them, seeing something that wasn’t there. 

Tentatively he took hold of the arm that had been clutching at him, squeezing her hand. “Jemma, it’s okay, can you hear me?” he murmured softly.

His touch seemed to trigger something in her though, as she suddenly bolted from the bed, pressing her self into the corner of the room. He could see tears streaming from her face, her eyes now wide open and filled with panic. 

“No.” she whispered softly. “Fitz, no, no, please, don’t go.” 

He virtually flew across the room until he was beside her, gathering her shaking body into his arms and pressing her tightly against him. “Jemma, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” He whispered as she sobbed against him. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t… mean to wake you.” She said quietly, her words punctuated by uncontrollable sobs. 

“Hey, it’s not a problem. I’m the one who wanted to stay with you, Jemma. You don’t have to blame yourself.” He told her firmly. She looked up at him, her breathing steadying as he rubbed his hand back and forth across her back.

“It’s not fair on you, Fitz. You don’t deserve this.” 

“Please don’t start this again, Jem. There’s nowhere I rather be right now. I promise. Anyway, you don’t deserve this either. The least I can do is be here for you.” 

She gave a watery laugh. “I really hoped that tonight would be different.” She said sadly.

Fitz squeezed her tightly. “I know. But give it time, and it will be different, I promise.” 

There was a soft knock on the door, and Jemma instantly stiffened in his arms. Then Hunter’s voice entered the room and she relaxed. 

“Simmons, you okay?” his voice said, muffled through the door. 

Fitz looked closely at Jemma. “Do you want to talk to him?” He said, remembering what Daisy had said about Hunter being good for Jemma.

Simmons furrowed her brow, her breathing still heavy, her hands twisted into Fitz’s shirt. He didn’t think she even realised how tightly she was clinging to him. Hunter knocked again and she flinched.

“It’s okay, Jem. It’s just Hunter. I’ll go talk to him okay?” Fitz said gently, carefully peeling Jemma’s arms off him and standing. 

He crossed the room and unlocked the door. Hunter’s face changed from one of concern to one of glee as he saw Fitz.

“Shit! I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” He said with a smile.

“Very funny, Hunter.” Said Fitz firmly. 

“Seriously though, is Simmons okay?” Hunter said. “I can hear pretty well through my wall… was she crying?”

Fitz ran a hand through his hair. “Yea, she had a nightmare. Daisy said you’ve been helping her… is there anything I can do?” he asked, helplessly.

Hunter’s face turned sympathetic. “Honestly, mate, all I’ve been doing is letting her cry it out. She hasn’t said much… although if she’s going to open up to anyone it will probably be you.” He rested his hand on the doorway awkwardly. “Anyway, I’ll let you get back to her. Talk in the morning, yeah?” he said, turning away back to his room.

Fitz quickly shut the door and returned to Jemma, who was still crouched in the corner. She looked so small. Her hands clutched at her arms; he winced when he saw the red marks from her nails. Quickly he took hold of her hands, squeezing them tightly.

“Look at me, Jemma.” He begged her. Slowly, she raised her head until her eyes found his. He hated the emptiness he saw in them. “Why don’t we go back to bed?” he said comfortingly, and when she didn’t respond he gathered her into his arms again, easing her into standing and guiding her across the room, back to the bed. 

Ever so gently he tucked her in again, his hand smoothing her hair, before sliding in beside her. Immediately she latched onto him, her hands twisting into his shirt, her head burying itself in his chest. He held her close, feeling her tiny frame tremble softly as her tears soaked through his shirt. 

He didn’t say anything and nor did she. He held her and she cried, and only when Jemma’s breathing finally slowed, her grip loosening slightly, did Fitz finally relax.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me through this!

The two of them settled into a routine after that first night. Most days were spent in the lab, nights in Jemma’s room. As Daisy had warned, not every day was a good day, but the bad days seemed to be ever fewer. 

The good days were dependent on the good nights, when there would only be one or two nightmares and Fitz’s presence was enough to sooth her and give her peace to fall back to sleep. He dreaded the bad nights though, as did she. 

She would wake when Fitz tried to snap her out of it, but the horrors would spill into her room, her mind unable to distinguish between reality and dream. Sometimes she wasn’t even aware of Fitz’s presence, convinced she was still prisoner, or under the sea, or a million miles away in another solar system. Other times Fitz would morph into something far more sinister; she though Ward, was looming over her, or the inhuman was chasing her.

She hated the look in his eyes when she would finally snap back to reality. He looked so hurt, so scared. It killed her to be responsible for furthering his suffering. As much as she hated it, she couldn’t stop herself. She couldn’t control her breathing, her pounding heart, her throbbing head. Some nights it felt like she was being torn apart. There was nothing Fitz could do when it was a bad night. But he stayed, standing vigil for her. And when she would finally snap out of it, often only when the light of day began to creep in, she would feel her love for him swell even more.

The days after those nights were hard, too. She struggled to be away from Fitz, only relaxing when she was pressed against him. They didn’t make it to the lab on those days. Sometimes she couldn’t bring herself to leave her room. Panic would bubble to the surface far too easily; an unexpected door slam, or too many people in the room, and she would spiral out of control into a state only Fitz could fix. 

Most days were good days, though, more and more of them with each week. Coulson gave them space. He let them work at the pace they wanted. Fitz could leave the room and she would not freeze up, would not clutch at him desperately when he returned. She spent more and more time with the others, her body slowly growing less and less tense as she learned how to trust her friends again. 

Fitz slept in her room every night still. She had tried to protest, unwilling to inconvenience him even now, and he had shot her down immediately. She loved him so much for it. 

They had their dinner too. Finally, when Jemma stopped flinching at dark corners and sudden noises and unexpected movement, when she began to laugh; hesitantly and quietly but beautiful all the same, when she began to eat a second helping at meals, finally did Fitz pluck up the courage to ask her to dinner. She beamed at him with that smile, the one that he had crossed the universe to see again. 

Dinner was perfect. They sat across from each other, gazing into each other’s eyes. They didn’t speak much and it didn’t matter. And after, when they had walked through the dark streets as they waited for their jet home, he had brushed his lips against her cheek and she had turned, offering him her mouth instead. The first kiss of many.

One night, four months after the event that had set all this in motion, Fitz was woken by a small sound. They still slept in Jemma’s single bed, their bodies fitting around each other perfectly. His arms were wrapped around Jemma, her head nestled against his chest. Immediately he could tell she was crying. 

He untangled himself from her, whispering her name, easing her from whatever nightmare was haunting her this night. She looked up at him then, and he realised that she was awake, and although her eyes were red rimmed and she was trembling slightly, she was smiling softly.

“Jem, sweetheart, it’s okay.” He said firmly. “What was it this time?” He said as he wiped away her tears with his thumbs.

She pulled herself up beside him, her smile growing slightly. He looked at her in confusion. 

“Are you okay, Jemma?” 

“I had a good dream, Fitz.” She whispered. “For the first time in four months.” She pressed her lips tightly against his. “Because of you. This is all because of you.” She said adoringly, letting his strong arms envelop her once more.

Fitz smiled at her joy. “What was it about?” He said.

“Us.” She smirked, letting out a soft laugh as he huffed in annoyance. 

“Don’t go being mysterious on me, Simmons.” He growled.

She stroked his face, her fingers tracing his features. “We were in Perthshire. We were happy, Fitz.” Her eyes saddened slightly. “It was a whole other life.”

“It could be our life though.” He murmured unthinkingly, only realising what he had said when she stiffened in his arms.

“Fitz…” she began, but he quickly interrupted.

“I mean… only if you wanted that.” He said hesitantly. “Sorry. That just sort of slipped out…”

“I can think of nothing I want more.” She said gently, several more tears leaking from her eyes. 

He leaned forwards, kissing away her tears and hearing her watery laugh as he did so. “Well then, that’s settled. We’re moving to Perthshire.” 

………………..

And so it was, four months later, when they found themselves alone and on the doorstep of a small white cottage, a shiny new ring on Jemma’s hand and a small bump just beginning to show through her shirt. 

Finally, the life they deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!


End file.
